Dear Mr. President,

I don't pretend to know everything about politics. Quite the contrary. I know some, but certainly not all.

Republican, Democrat, Libertarian...it doesn't really matter to me. At the end of the day, we're all human and therefore, far from perfect. I could take this opportunity to go into what I feel you and Congress should do to fix so many things that are not working as they should. But that would take away from my original intention in writing this and realistically, you know more about this than I do (or you certainly, obviously should). I could take this opportunity to discuss how I feel our federal government system structure is flawed, at best, and how it works against any semblance of an efficient and productive system. But, I won't, as again, there are others out there who know more, and that's not why I am writing you at this time. I will also refrain from classifying myself into any of the aforementioned parties (or any that weren't mentioned) due to the fact that for starters, I'm not sure I identify with any of them. And once again, not the point of this correspondence. It also isn't really anybody's business but my own.
I will say that I know for certain that I do not want your job. There was a time that my professional/career goal was to be the first woman president. Knowing what I know now, let's just say that my goals have changed directions a bit. I have 3 main jobs: My professional one, and my most cherished and important ones: My familial ones of wife and mother. The family and the home that my husband and I have built and will continue to build are at the end of the day, the vast majority of the reason that we do what we do.

I imagine that you and the First Lady had many of the same feelings that so many parents did on Friday, December 14, 2012. (It's funny to me that I remember the day of the week considering I have no ties to the event - personal relationship, locale, or otherwise. Like the vast majority of the rest of the country, I knew then (and likely know now) what was covered by the media. But, I digress.) I watched/listened/read in absolute horror as the events and story unfolded. And the end result is one that still makes me want to take both of my beautiful babies in my arms and never let them go. Never let them go to school, even, which seems so unfair. Their minds yearn to be educated and filled with the ideas of endless opportunities. They deserve to flourish and yet, in the one place that they should be able to do so, their security isn't guaranteed. My heart still hurts for anyone and everyone associated with Newtown, CT, and as I write this particular part, tears burn my eyes and stream down my cheeks. The first responders, who will never be the same after seeing what they had to see. (My husband is a volunteer firefighter/paramedic, so we are more than all too familiar with the possibilities here.) The school staff members - those who were killed, may they rest in peace, and those who were spared. Those beautiful babies whose lives were taken so violently and senselessly, may they also rest in peace. May those lives rest in peace, and may those who are now destined to live with their emotional scars find a peace that I can't even begin to try to understand how one goes about finding. The school staff members whom have had to continue on with their daily professional routines since then with a sense of insecurity and fear that has to be gripping and at times, I would imagine unbearable. But more importantly, may their lives also not have been lost and/or ripped apart in vain.

And this is part of the reason why I'm writing to you now, but make no mistake when reading this particular paragraph, this correspondence is not about gun control. I live in Texas and most of my friends/network do, as well. So, it likely comes with little surprise that most of my friends/network are licensed gun carriers and/or owners. That being said, I  have a relatively large network of connections so certainly not all of them are gun carriers/owners. The amount of gun control propaganda that has come across my social media news feeds and/or email inbox, for either side/argument, in the last 3 months has been at times, overwhelming. And while I feel that there are factors within not only the Newtown situation, but also Aurora, CO, and Virgina Tech, and the far too many others that could be discussed here that relate back to gun control, I'm not anywhere near convinced that this is the only factor. This is far too complex of a situation to have that simple of a solution.

As a society, the United States is not known for its upstanding care of some of its most in-need citizens: The elderly, the poor, veterans of war, or the mentally unstable. I certainly don't feel that the first 2 groups I just mentioned are factors in these mass shootings. But evidence will more than support that the 4th group is the largest one. (I will address the veterans of war momentarily.) Like most others, I have family members who live daily with mental illness, all to varying degrees. These family members are in my life to varying extents so their mental illness/instability affects me accordingly. When faced with the decision of what to do at various times over the past few years in response to different events involving these individuals, we have found that our options in helping these individuals get the assistance they need are limited, at absolute best.

After Newtown, one of the suggestions I saw in my social media news feeds was one in which veterans of war be placed at our schools in volunteer positions as armed guards. I strongly support our military members and their families, and anyone who knows me well will tell you that this is the case, to the extent that I don't feel that I need to defend my thoughts on that at this juncture. But my first thought was that while it is unquestionable that their hearts would be in it (as they risk their lives to defend and protect ours in such unimaginable ways away from home), they don't get anything close to the mental health support they need after returning from war. And some people think it's a good idea to put them in schools? With guns?! (I will also take this opportunity to say that mental health resources for first responders are nonexistent. Which, ultimately, is unacceptable, for either of these groups.)

The evidence is overwhelming when it comes to mental health needing our attention, now more than ever. How many more lives have to be lost at the hands of mentally unstable men and women - with or without guns - before we stop and take a seriously good look at our currently sad excuse for mental health support system and say, "We have let our citizens down in this regard, and we need to fix it?" I beg of you and Congress to take the time to do this. I say this as yes, a tax-paying citizen, but more importantly as a mom. And wife. And sister. And daughter. And niece. And friend.

I get that your job is a busy one. One of many reasons that, as I previously mentioned, I wouldn't want it. It certainly doesn't help that the time of any president is limited so the work cut out for you and the deadlines associated with it are likely a little unfair. Factor in politician egos (which, don't even get me started on this) and maturity levels (or immaturity levels, as the case may be), and the deck is even further stacked against whomever is running the ship at any given time. But you do have resources at your fingertips that would likely assist in constructing a system that is at least adequate and ultimately, what our citizens whom are affected by mental illness/instability and their friends/family deserve (as the current one is neither of these things). As I currently have friends/colleagues who are in the mental health world, I am aware that there are people out there who are qualified and passionate enough to do whatever they can to assist in getting this job done. And its importance demands your attention. All you and Congress have to do is ask the right people.

It won't be an easy job. But I am confident that as this country has become great at the blood, sweat, and tears of those whom have just believed that we can and will be better in the end for the work we do now, this situation is no different. There is no reason that the United States of America and its citizens cannot come up with better than what we have currently. There is no reason that we cannot lead the world in developing a mental illness/health support system worthy of its citizens.

Challenge issued, Mr. President. I sincerely hope that you and Congress respond accordingly and begin working on finding a solution.


Respectfully yours,

Gretchen Rau - Wife of a Volunteer First Responder, Mom of Two Beautiful Babies, Family Member/Friend of Individuals With Mental Illness, and Lover of this Great Country

So, prior to Friday, 12/14/12, it was rather a safe assumption to say that most of the United States had never heard of Sandy Hook Elementary School and likely couldn't point out Newport, CT, on a map. Since then, however, the likelihood that you've not only heard of it, you could probably tell me what you've read/heard/seen about it and your thoughts on the entire situation is fairly high.

I've started to write multiple things on my facebook page but always stop as I know that the chances that it will set somebody off for one reason or another are high. I have a general rule that I don't post things that are political or religious in nature as there will always be someone with an alternate view who will either be offended enough to debate and/or de-friend me. (Sidenote: I have found that this is also true with sports. We sports lovers are nothing if we aren't passionate. But I digress.)

The reason for my writing this post is to try to work through the things that have gone through my mind since I started receiving the updates on my phone about the unthinkable tragedy that occurred on that Friday, which happened to be a beautiful one in Houston. I was at the gym as it all started to unfold and I couldn't help but stay glued to the TV and/or fb newsfeed and/or the news sites to an unhealthy point. I could feel my personal anxiety about my own children growing so I had to turn it off and walk away. My drive to get my babies from daycare took on a new urgency that evening and I hugged them both a little longer and harder when I finally got to them. 

As I sit here writing this, there are still a few things left to be determined, namely: The motive. The one question that has plagued everyone since they first heard the news is a remaining piece of the puzzle which, as is usually the case in these situations, will fill in a few blanks while opening up a few new ones. The details of when and how are mostly known. The names of the 26 victims at the school (as well as the 1 away from it) are known, as well as their ages. There are pictures of 8 adults, including the shooter, and 20 beautiful babies everywhere you look.

Like quite a few people I know, I've asked myself the questions, "How did this happen?" and "What could have been done to prevent it?" and "Why are events like these happening so frequently?" and "What do we as a nation have to do to keep it from happening again?" The main responses to that 3rd question range from a lack of God/religion in the schools to school safety (or a lack thereof) to easy access to guns, and each person defends their position passionately. There has been a post going around on facebook that points to the American mainstream media as the culprit and is attributed to Morgan Freeman. He has since issued a statement saying that it isn't actually his rant (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/morgan-freeman-statement-criticizing-media-185730606.html) but my kudos to whomever wrote it. As I agree with you. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of American mainstream journalism. TRUE journalism is absolutely necessary. We as a people MUST educate ourselves on our immediate and larger environment to make informed decisions that we face daily from what we eat to whom we vote for to where we choose to work. But when the known mentality of the "news" is, "If it bleeds, it leads," I, personally, can't help but take a step back and wonder when the news media will be held accountable for the effects of a sensationalistic, unnecessarily-overly-dramatic MO. The images and stories and details are LIVE, literally 24/7 in some cases, and in color, and overly-detailed, and in-your-face. News anchors were interviewing elementary students hours after this horrific event, for Christ's sake. Really? Elementary students. Who had just witnessed something that I can't even fathom as an adult. The pictures of the not only the gunman from Newtown, but also the others whom have gone on their own tirades in the past 3-4 years, are all over the TV. WE CANNOT IGNORE the fact that we are dealing with individuals whom have serious, documented mental health issues; so why do we create a celebrity-like status for these clearly-sick individuals? When will we acknowledge that this fuels this blood-drenched fire?

The situation calls for more than 1 fix, as I see it. For me, I see the issues to be the following, in this order:

1. Lack of options for individuals and/or families/friends of individuals dealing with mental health issues;
2. Sensationalistic news media;
3. Over-exposure to/dependence on social media; - AND last but CERTAINLY not least -
4. Easy access to guns and ammunition that should be reserved for police and military personnel. 

I think the first 3 pretty well speak for themselves. And I'm sure that those who read this who feel that their 2nd amendment right should not be trampled on will read my 4th point and label me a commi-pinko. To those people, I say you could not be more wrong. I was raised by a former police officer whom is currently an educator and whom also happens to be a bit of a gun enthusiast, as well as a hunter. My husband hunts and enjoys learning about guns. I consider myself to be an educated woman but I have little knowledge (at best) when it comes to guns other than to know that I will educate my children on them enough for them to know the finality of a gun + bullet combination. I'll let my husband handle the safety part. But I think that I know enough to not understand why anyone other than someone whom is paid to protect me and/or my family AND/OR this country needs an automatic weapon. Why. WHY. I don't get it.

My mind has gone to the 20 children and 6 adults whom were mercilessly gunned down in an institution of learning last Friday more times than I can count since the details started to emerge. And to their families. There are wounds within those people and that community that will likely never heal. They may diminish over time. But just as every time you hear "Sandy Hook Elementary School," or "Newtown, CT," and think of where you were, these people will live it daily as they return to what will hopefully be a normal routine at some point down the long, painful road they face.

As I stood putting away my daughter's laundry tonight, my mind wandered to the parents of those 20 beautiful babies. I thought to myself, "These parents will never put clothes away to be worn again for their babies." And I had to stop myself from choking up again. They won't do laundry for the sole purpose for which the rest of us do laundry. I have 2 beautiful, perfect babies. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and anger and hurt and anguish and loss of that piece or your soul that comes from such an imaginable situation. My heart goes out to the families and friends of those 26 souls taken without a 2nd thought, as well as to the families and friends of the victims of the other senseless acts that we hear far too much about these days.

I've seen a few suggestions on how to honor the fallen. 20 acts of kindness in honor of the 20 young lives was amongst my favorite. Personally, I pledge to turn off the TV. And walk away from the facebook newsfeed. And stay away from my usual news sites. More time with the family I'm so lucky to have. More hugs and kisses for the 3 beautiful people who fill my house with more love and laughter than one person could ever need.

And with that, I bid you and yours more hugs, kisses, love, and laughter than you could ever need. And I hit the power button on the computer. 

"The thing is is that..." No...the thing is that {whatever the thing is}. No need for the 2nd "is."

It agitates me when people put spaces in front of and behind a /. For example - indoor / outdoor. I think you're missing the point of the /.

A coworker pointed out a good one - "irregardless." Does that qualify as a double negative?

This title gets my blood to boilin'. If hundreds upon thousands of women (and men) are still dying from this disease, we are not winning. I'm all about finding the silver lining in the cloud - I really am. But when people justify a lack of complete resolution by saying, "Well, it's better than what we had," I see that as apathetic and unacceptable. That may be acceptable in some instances - not in this one (imo). **Steps down off of soapbox (still none too pleased, though)**

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/10/09/war.breast.cancer/index.html

Nice to see someone gets it.

http://www.foxnews.com/slideshow/entertainment/2009/09/11/successful-plus-size-models


And here's the one that started it all: http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2009/08/on-the-cl-the-picture-you-cant.html?mbid=synd_fox_news




I was going to include a link to Dove's Campaign For Real Beauty campaign until I read that those women are airbrushed in that ad, too. Shame on you, Dove...for shame, for shame.

I am not a judgmental person. At least, I don't consider myself to be and I definitely try my hardest not to be. My friend base is very diverse - culturally, religiously, intellectually - and I love it that way. Now, granted, I'll admit to thinking your genitals should be cut off for intentionally harming a child (just as an example) and I judge you to be an ignorant jackass, but I'm quite comfortable in the thought that that judgment is warranted. I'm going to go ahead and take my self-exposure of my flaws a bit further and admit that when you try to make me believe what you believe, think what/how you think, dress how you dress, etc., etc., etc., I pretty much deem you to be a closed-minded, pushy and ignorant pain in my ass.

Let me back up... I've never taken well to people trying to cram things down my throat and/or force me to do/believe/say something that I didn't want to do/believe/say. I had organized religion crammed down my throat in high school. I lost 'friends' because I didn't go to their church(es) or they felt that I didn't believe exactly how they believed. The funny part is, they don't know what I believed and even to this day (and this goes for politics, too), very few people really do - and that's intentional. Losing friends is always tough but to lose 'friends' based on something so personal seemed to serve as a double whammy. I think the reason for that is that politics and religion are so controversial because our beliefs and ideals are based on personal experience. Every experience in our lives shapes who we are in every sense of the phrase down to the nitty-gritties. So, when someone comes out from their political/religious corner swingin' and telling us that we're wrong, we feel like our personal being - what makes us who we are - is being attacked...good enough reason to not talk about it in mixed company, don't 'cha think? :) But I digress...

To take my honesty one step further, adults who judge each other as wrong when their opinions differ also annoy me and I have a tendency to judge them (ironic to judge the judgmental, I know) as closed-minded. I'm a firm believer that for the most part, different doesn't always equal wrong; sometimes, it just equals different. When I see/hear adults arguing (not discussing - arguing) politics or religion (or even sports, for that matter), it always reminds me of kids picking on the kid who is different (usually for reasons that he/she can't control). For me, adults not growing up and accepting differences isn't much different and beyond that, it's a poor example for those watching your every move. I'm also a firm believer that hate begins at home; monkey see, monkey do. Whatever name you give it, it comes down to tolerance and understanding.

It took me a few years (and the loss of another good friend for at least the reason, possibly among others, that we differed pretty greatly in our political beliefs) but I've come to realize that the only person who really needed to know what I think/feel/believe about how we got here and what we're supposed to do/not do while we're here is me. Like I told those 'friends' from high school after they ambushed me on the religion thing one day - I'm a good person. I'm a good daughter, sister, friend, etc. (and now wife and mother). If your God/Jeebus really is up there sitting on clouds watching over anything and everything, He/She's a little confused by your behavior. If I understand the whole point of God/Jeebus, the overall message was, for the love of Pete, people - just be good to each other. The message was not, "Shame/guilt/trick/threaten others into following what you do/say/believe simply because you think it secures your place in the happy eternal resting place."

I think what appears to be true for me is that due to the fact that we all have our own back story and expeirences, we're going to have different views on life and because of that, I don't think that there can be one absolute answer for everyone on this earth. We're going to have different views on life based on where we're from and how we were treated by our parents and siblings and what our life was like growing up and so on and so forth. It's those expeirences that shape those views and since none of our experiences are the exact same, how can our views be carbon copies of each other? They can of course be similar - but I just don't think they can always be the exact same.

Granted, I don't live my life the way I do because someone who may or may not be up on the aforementioned clouds told me to - I do my best to help others when they need it; I don't rape, murder and/or pillage small villages (or large ones, for that matter). And the reason for that is because I have a firm grasp on the basic rules of humanity. The Golden Rule is a favorite of mine; and I firmly believe in Sister Karma. But let's be honest - no one wants to feel like the social outcast, especially for such a personal reason. So, I played the game...and I guess I still do. I'll let whomever feels it necessary to judge me based on that character trait and/or assume what they will about my beliefs do just that - and I'll be quite content in that. Because while I'm still learning (which I think I/you always should be - otherwise, what are we doing here, but, that's for another post...), I feel like I have a pretty firm grasp on how my world functions.

One thing I can say that I think rings true overall, regardless of what you believe - you're better off focusing on yourself and fixing your own flaws than you are trying to change everyone else into what you believe they should be. Maybe if we all stop trying to change each other and just love each other for who and what we are, maybe the rest will fall into place. Maybe it will catch on to others who feel it necessary to recruit you into their corner (for whatever reasons they feel it necessary to do so) and maybe they'll turn the mirrors on themselves and focus on what makes them happy and what they need to function at their top level of performance. Now, I fully understand that most reasonable and rational people will at least try to understand where I'm coming from and/or maybe even agree with me. I fully recognize that I most likely couldn't walk up to an extremist (of any religion/political affiliation/sports team fan/mindset) and pitch this argument and have any success. I get that the extremists are a lost cause in this regard. But maybe if we get the rest of the for-the-most-part-rational world to comply, the extremists will kill each other out and problem solved...?

Regardless of who created us, who maintains us (which should be us, in my mind - again, from my limited understanding of Christianity, He gave us free will, correct?) and/or whom we might or might not meet when we reach the eternal beyond, I'm fairly certain that it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.

I totally don't get this. We're over consuming and we blame the media. (I know this is in Britain but I personally think we're not too terribly different from them these days - or, at least, I think we're just a few steps behind them.) When does the time come when we stop and say, "Ya' know what? I don't like where I am and I'm going to change the things that I can and start worrying about myself and leave everyone else the hell alone?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8242385.stm